well, to be compelelty honest, this had to have been the toughest week.
At the beginning, after our leader left, it was exciting. Not because he left, but because he gave us some new encouragement. Since our team and location doesn’t have set ministries, he told us to go out and do whatever, because we can. So with that, I’ve been praying for ideas of what to do for minisitry. I was so pumped, a few weeks ago I had gotten an image about handing flowers out to the women in the shopping distrcit. Not just a flower, but a paper-hand-made flower. I went and learned how to make some cool flowers. But hadn’t had the time to make them or get my hands started on them, but here was my chance.
It seemd like a cool idea, have a ministry and go with it. But because of that, i think it ran me dry. I broke down in tears on tuesday morning. I was missing home, and just feeling like i wasn’t connecting to the ministries. It was hard.
So i had a one-on-one with my leader, and I really just got to talk and get it all out. It was cool. God spoke to me through her. I d been so caught up in doing what everyone else was doing, and i was upset that i wasn’t being more outgoing, or talking with more people. But thats not me, i am good with people, yes, but in a different way. And what i really need to do is just seek first the kingdom of God, and rest in who God made me to be. Then i will be naturally doing ministry, and no longer striving. That night, the team headed to the church for intercession. It was good. I just sat and read the bible, just really looking at my identity, and just looking at who God created me to be, what my gifts are. As I searched and wrote down the answers, God just gave me more ideas for ministry. It was really cool.
Ministry doesn’t have to be something extravagant, or big, it can be of the simplest things. Like buying someone a coffee for someone, talking to someone or just simple encouragement.
But since i had come to that realization. I missed the love of God. I went about each day, just looking for simple things to do, and if i wasn’t doing it, I wasn’t doing enough. And i come to ministry time with the team frustrated and unsure. Striving and upset. I felt like such a failure. And i just need Jesus time to know what was going on! My heart was breaking because I couldn’t just go and do all these things i wanted to do. I was then again reminded to just Rest in God! I mean, I was in the place of constantly going, and i felt like if i stopped doing ministry for a little while, my leaders would look down on me, and i felt i wasn’t doing enough. I broke down again on friday. And my team, oh my team, just reminded me again of how its simple, and that God is using me in different ways.
I have been given so many ideas for ministry. And they are simple things i can do back home. This outreach has been so good because the things we do here, i can do at home, and get my friends involved, get my sisters to help me out. I pray that this week goes smoother, because we only have a few weeks left here, and i don’t want to miss out on more of the things God has in store for me.